Weird Shite

Have you ever been overseas and bought something, thinking you knew exactly what it was, only to get it home and realise you were well off the mark? This kind of thing commonly occurs in supermarkets or chemists, generally because you can't read the description properly owing to your incredible lack of foreign language knowledge. You might think you're buying something akin to tomato sauce but after you've emptied the contents onto your steak you realise it's chilli sauce. And your mouth falls off. Or your trying for lubricant but you end up with insect repellent. And your vag falls off. Not cool.

Well, in Singapore recently I was in a shopping centre called Mustafa in Little India. It's a really bizarre place. It's open 24 hours and comprises of two enormous buildings. Both sections sell basically the same stuff but one side looks brand new and the other looks like Jesus Christ may've shopped there. After investigating level after level of goods in both buildings, I picked up some souveniers and also a new mascara. It was only $10 SGD. Sa-weet!

I barely used any makeup in Singers since the humidity would melt it off your face as quick as you put it on. So it was a nice surprise to me when I was unpacking my bag back home and found the mascara I bought. As I was applying it one day it started to shake. After an initial shock I discovered a button on the side of the bottle (tube? whatever mascara comes in) that makes the brush vibrate. Apparently it means there'll be no clumping. Fine.

There might be no clumping but there is also no way in the whole world, either currently available or in research stages, to get the shit off your lashes. They must've discovered that araldite is the key ingredient to prevent clumping. I've tried everything. In the shower I rub any number of lotions and potions on, concentrating specifically on my eyes (though they all tell me precisely not to do that) and when I get out my eyes are bloodshot from where the potions have leaked in. It's a bloody travesty.

Stupid, vibrating mascara. Perhaps if I'd been able to read the bottle I would've noticed araldite as the new, breakthrough ingredient and left it on the shelf where it belongs.

xx