Sing Star

I'll admit I fancy myself as a bit of a singer. I'm fully aware of my vocal limitations but that doesn't detract from the immense enjoyment I derive from singing. These limitations no doubt do detract however, from the pleasure of anyone in my general vicinity. But not my children. They are my greatest fans. Noam, who is at least old enough to request the cessation of my singing if he wanted to, does not. In fact, he regularly makes requests. Could there be any greater vote of confidence? I'm tipping I get invited on The Voice next season, on the back of my child's adoration. And as for Albi, the little one, he's navigating a somewhat violent stage at the moment and regularly hits me in the face. Though never when I'm singing. So there you go. I'm quite likely to be the next Mariah Carey.

There are two interesting things I have noticed though in relation to singing to my children. The first is that I become an automatic censor machine. I don't even have to consciously think about it. One moment I am happily singing along to 'Ride Wit Me' by Nelly and the next minute I am flawlessly humming over the top of his fellatio requests. I can turn the 'explicit version' of any of my Ipod songs instantly into the radio edit. Not a bad effort, particularly when 'Creep' by Radiohead comes on. Thom Yorke really enunciates in that one. 

The other amusing thing I've noticed is that song lyrics which used to mean one thing to me, now take on a whole new significance. Take these Salt 'n' Pepa lyrics from 'Whatta Man';

'Every time I need him, he always got my back,

Never disrespectful, 'cause his Mama taught him that...'

In days gone by those lines would fill me with visions of a strapping lad who would treat me like a bloody Queen. But instead, when I hear it now, I feel a surge of pride that I am the Mama who will teach her baby boys to respect women. Yes indeed. 

Sticking with Salt 'n' Pepa, but shifting songs to 'Shoop', I am already feeling the congratulations coming from the ladies on the perfection of their bottoms.

'You're packed and your stacked, 'specially in the back,

Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that...'

My pleasure ladies. Thanks for noticing and I appreciate your gratitude. 

I love singing to my kids. And while they're still little and unable to over power me I will continue to sing to them. I know that soon enough they will turn to me, as I did to my mother one day in the McDonalds drive thru when Elvis came on Gold 104 and inspired my tone deaf Mum to sing, and tell me to shut up because it's so embarrassing. And like my mother did, I will then sing loudly, and badly, into the order microphone and it will serve them right. And they will get no fries with that.